BOSTON

with the realization that i do NOT miss usd at all while being away for tg break, i delved into the emerson website to reignite an old flame and an old hope. 

i got into emerson with a $16,000 scholarship my senior year of high school. it was my top choice. and my parents wouldn't let me go solely because of the distance. usd seemed like a pretty good option so, because i had a zero percent chance of my parents giving in to my bostonian dreams, i decided to go.

but now i regret giving in (the one time i've ever done so in my life) and truly do not feel that usd is MY school. i know that i am doing some pretty cool things with the paper and my job as a marketing assistant. i know that the school is ranked pretty well (for business), but i just don't feel any strong connection. 

i don't connect well with the people and i don't connect well with the beach party lifestyle. emerson, on the other hand, is my style in every way possible: 

1. big city

2. real weather

3. a million more journalistic opportunities

4. a program designed specifically for magazine production and writing 

5. more serious and genuine media studies students

this school was made specifically for media studies, and the writing/publishing program was made specifically for magazine production. ahem, my life goal is to create my own magazine, and emerson offers a course in which you CREATE YOUR OWN MAGAZINE. ENOUGH SAID.

the people at usd generally suck and i don't think i've had very many real connections. i think my self and my talents would be better appreciated and put to use and allowed to grow in boston. i'm in talks with my parents again. i'm gonna apply and see what kind of scholarship and financial aid i might receive. as unreligious as i am, i will definitely be praying that i am able to transfer to emerson next year. if you know me, that's a pretty big deal. 

problems

friends dealing with p. safe, friends dealing with bi guys, friends dealing with missing the person they were in the summer and family dealing with fire evacuations. this week has been full of worry for so many people i know. and when the people i care about stress out, i stress out. this week has been very long. and the weather is really hot now. i miss the hope and excitement i felt when the temperature dropped. i'm back to getting iced drinks and wearing flip flops. back to taking the tram everywhere because i can't breathe. (but maybe that's because of smoking rather than the semi-humid weather). and now with these fires threatening the homes of my relatives...things just suck for so many people right now. i'm worried about my aunt and uncle who are trapped in the middle of the fire while housesitting their neighbor's house. i'm worried about...every other person in my family. all of them are dealing with some kind of issue, whether it be health or money or relationships. and then i think about my life and how lucky i am but how stupid i am at the same time. i have my health but i destroy it with cigarettes and being too exhausted to go to the gym. i have my smarts but am destroying them with persistent drug abuse. i have my humor but i'm destroying that by being bitchy. i could go on but i'm destroying my easy-going nature by complaining about things i do to myself. so i have decided to slowly but surely quit smoking and cut back on my bitchiness. i know i'm not the meanest girl ever, especially at usd or in ventura county, but i hate feeling like a bitch. i've been told that i'm a confrontational little one...not exactly how i want to be known, but it's definitely not a bad character trait. i'm proud of my confidence and "strong will." but i'm even more proud of my idea to have a "daft penguin" created for me. ^

ME

with a school year full of election craziness (yaaayyyy obama!), art projects, speeches, latin tests (open-book thank GOD) and weekly issues of The Vista, i rarely ever have time for me. hence why there are never any posts on this supercute blog. i'm pretty sure the main reason i write on it, besides my love of writing, is because of the pink and purple. but last night, on a rare saturday night in, i allowed myself to eat chocolate and read an entire issue of Nylon front to back (the most recent one at that). though i have two past issues sitting on my table under a stack of newspapers and receipts, i was so SO happy to be able to take a (healthy) break from thinking and read about fashion and music. it reminded me why i do everything i do. why i wear the same 4 pieces of crazy jewelry every day, why i write about m.i.a.'s fashion line, why i want to start my own magazine. in the midst of reading i was asked to join a friend in the courtyard to have a cig. that very enjoyable cig break lasted 2 and a half hours and was intermittently freckled with drunken stories from friends arriving home from frat parties and ended with rain sprinkles and gusts of wind, and maybe a raccoon or two, or three. it made me kind of re-fall in in love with usd. i've been contemplating my decision to attend this university, like many of my friends, and i realized that i'm here for a reason, and it's not to appease the many crazy guys i come in contact with, or to talk shit with the cool girls. i'm here because i've already learned so much about myself through so many challenges AND i get to edit The Vista! where else would i have been able to get an editing position that early in my college career? superlucky. 

anyways. the weather in sd is FINALLY cold and there are leaves blowing everywhere and i get to drink hot chocolate with cinnamon and have Campbell's soup at hands on a regular basis (meaning the last 3 days). while i wish there was snow everywhere and i could bundle up with a cutie (whether it be a cat or a guy), i'm happy just typing up a blog post and listening to Beach House (how ironic?).

check out this coolness that my paint created by itself:

U S D

USD could stand for many things considering how many sluts go here. overall though i'm having a pretty good time being back. the weather is absolutely gorgeous. i walk everywhere so my legs are quite toned and i'm no longer out of breath when i climb stairs, i've met some really cool people simply by sitting in the center of my little apartment area (The Vistasssss) and having a cig or two. my roommate is the coolest person ever and our apartment is super cute. the only downside is how quickly people change for the worse. it's disappointing how easily people lose their coolness and respect value just by changing who they are depending on who they are around. i thought that was high school shit but i guess nott.

on a nicer note, i saw Why? the other night at The Echoplex. they are one of the most talented bands i've ever seen. the drummer plays the drums and a xylophone at the same time, while singing, and the lead singer plays the drums and maracas and keyboard at the same time while singing some very complex lyrics. i was stunned and blown away. AND me and my friend were able to weave our way through the crowd from the back row to the 3rd row by going up to all the tall people and telling them we couldn't see. easy peasy. tonight i'm seeing the legendary Bob Dylan in SD and i'm very excited. it feels like i'm becoming a part of history, just because he has had such a big impact on the music industry and, dare i say, the world. ANDDDD i got press tix for STREET SCENE. I AM SO EXCITED AND HAPPY. check out the line-up at http://street-scene.com. it's like a mini coachella that's like 10 minutes from my apartment. The Vista will be starting up again soon and you can check out my writing and other people's writing on http://sandiego.edu/vista.

takeover

because i am completely addicted to Bravo, i watched Tabatha's Salon Takeover. it's absolutely ridculous, but i love watching interior design things so i sat through it. she's so unnecessarily mean, but she does know what she's talking about. my sister puts it perfectly: she's not a bitch, she just acts like one. there is a huge difference between being a bitch and acting like one, obviously. Tabatha never sounds genuinely mean. she's putting on a show, for her show. 

i wish USD had Bravo.