bodies

there is something really NOT comforting about watching people die peacefully (on ER). it might have something to do with the fact that my chest has been tight all day and i can hardly breathe. 

i've realized something odd. school is stressing me out. that's not too odd. but the reason it's stressing me out is because i WANT to do all the homework. i WANT to attend every single class. i WANT to learn as much as i can. i want to absorb every drop of knowledge collecting in my notebook. i want all of it, but i don't have enough time. i've learned so much about the world by reading two sections of the newspaper every day. it's a good feeling, feeling informed. my media and conflict class is extremely fulfilling. i feel passionate about the videos we're watching and the discussions we're having. i feel like i'm at the right place when i'm in that class. but as soon as i get home and i have to read for my philosophy and lit class AND another newspaper AND two selections for media and conflict, and it's 10 pm, it's overwhelming. i'm a born crammer, but i'm not a born slacker. i'm too motivated. i need to slow down. that's what my lungs are telling me. 

all i want to do is watch the office online but USD's internet is a disappointment yet again. the one night i can actually semi relax (no class on fridays!!!!!) it just won't work out. 

all of this is 10 times more stressful because i can't afford text books. tooooo muchhhh stressssss.