problems

friends dealing with p. safe, friends dealing with bi guys, friends dealing with missing the person they were in the summer and family dealing with fire evacuations. this week has been full of worry for so many people i know. and when the people i care about stress out, i stress out. this week has been very long. and the weather is really hot now. i miss the hope and excitement i felt when the temperature dropped. i'm back to getting iced drinks and wearing flip flops. back to taking the tram everywhere because i can't breathe. (but maybe that's because of smoking rather than the semi-humid weather). and now with these fires threatening the homes of my relatives...things just suck for so many people right now. i'm worried about my aunt and uncle who are trapped in the middle of the fire while housesitting their neighbor's house. i'm worried about...every other person in my family. all of them are dealing with some kind of issue, whether it be health or money or relationships. and then i think about my life and how lucky i am but how stupid i am at the same time. i have my health but i destroy it with cigarettes and being too exhausted to go to the gym. i have my smarts but am destroying them with persistent drug abuse. i have my humor but i'm destroying that by being bitchy. i could go on but i'm destroying my easy-going nature by complaining about things i do to myself. so i have decided to slowly but surely quit smoking and cut back on my bitchiness. i know i'm not the meanest girl ever, especially at usd or in ventura county, but i hate feeling like a bitch. i've been told that i'm a confrontational little one...not exactly how i want to be known, but it's definitely not a bad character trait. i'm proud of my confidence and "strong will." but i'm even more proud of my idea to have a "daft penguin" created for me. ^

phenomena

i don't know if this happens to other people but i have experienced this so many times that i now need to express my confusion. 

every time i party, i go to bed super late and just pass out. when i awake it is 8:30 am and i don't feel tired. i actually feel motivated and make an actual breakfast and accomplish things i have been meaning to do for weeks. i really really don't understand why this happens. but i'm not complaining. it actually makes me feel like i'm living life.

i also have discovered some amazing and inspirational art. the artist's name is David Ellis and his swirly colorful creative pieces of beauty amaze me. look him up.

color

today i purchased my ticket to the electric daisy carnival and i am inexpressibly excited. not only will i be going with my closest friends, but the sights and sounds will enhance my "ecstatic" state of mind to a point that i may not be able to take in. i realized, though, that the experience is most exciting to me because of the freedom i will have to express myself. my friend and i were discussing what we should wear because, after all, there will be an incredible amount of dancing and walking going on for at least 5 hours. we don't want to be super casual though, we want to be bright and get noticed. we want to have as much fun as possible and that will only be possible if we dress in eye-catching and dj dance worthy clothes and colors. i'm thinking electric blue leggings, multi-colored flats, and a shirt my friend found that changes color with heat. and don't forget the makeup possibilities. green eyeliner and glitter eyeshadow are my best friends. i have high expectations for this night...but i have to wait till the end of june.