treasure trove

my room is cluttered, untidy and busy, but at the same time welcoming and exciting. have you ever realized how much shit you have in your room? besides necessities, which for me are books, hair things, makeup, ihome and perfume, there are all of the little things you've collected throughout your life. 

i have quite an accumulation of concert tickets, as well as the "souvenirs" i've received at the shows. i have the signed cd from peter bjorn and john, the skull maraca from whispertown2000, the plastic flowers from tilly and the wall, the drum stick from death cab for cutie, a couple photo/press passes from music festivals and random shows like rilo kiley at soma and sondre lerche at the troubador, the handwritten set list from jenny lewis and the watson twins...etc. 

i have a collection of books including used, new, coffee table, and collections of poems, essays and art, plus old text books, sat/act study books and 5 or 6 old diaries. none of them are filled completely. i tend to buy new ones when i think i'm gonna make a change in my life and i need a new journal in order to make my personal goals official. plus stacks of  magazines and The Vista.

i have about 5 different perfume bottles, most empty. some i had to stop using because they reminded me of certain events or people. the one i've stuck with is ralph lauren rocks. 

i have all kinds of posters from different concerts, drawings done by my sister, old pictures, old letters and records up on my walls. every single piece of art means something significant to me. my room is a visual haven.

tiny collectibles from grandparents, such as brooches, ceramic animals, a tiny carved giraffe...plus candles and their holders and little crystal bowls, new zealand money, a box of old awards and birthday cards, cds.

don't get me started on clothes, shoes or jewelry. one could get lost in the descriptions of such treasures.

being home and in my room has reminded me of better times, worse times and current times. but most of all it has reminded me of how lucky i am to be alive and happier and has made me grateful for all of the opportunities i've had. how many people get to say that they've met their favorite musician at their favorite concert venue? (jenny lewis at the troubadour.) 

if room raiders were a real show and i was on it, the entire world would know every little detail about my life, just from what i'm surrounded by when i sleep.

le break(ing point)

i'm always excited to go home for break. i talk to my mom 20 times a day on the phone already so it's not like i'm going home to strangers as a stranger. i love animals more than anything and a chance to live with them for a month is priceless. the honeymoon phase (which lasts about three days) is always enjoyable. but after those three days, what happens? chaos. worse than chaos because you know exactly what's going to happen and how it's going to happen. predictable chaos is terrifying. 

so why do i still get excited to go home? why is it something i look forward to, something i consider a much needed month of relaxation, when nothing relaxing ever takes place? catching up with old friends is amazing. sleeping with my cat by my side is precious. sunning in the yard with my dogs is calming. singing to pretty songs with my sister in the car is cool. but are all of these happenings worth the fighting that precedes them? i've made my mom cry two days in a row (not by being mean, just by getting into an argument with my sister and also by not going to church). i know for a fact that she is happier when i am not home. she talks to me when i'm in-between classes or walking home from work and is happy to know that i still need her in my life, at least as someone to converse with between responsibilities. but when i'm home i think she feels a disconnection and knows as well as i that the chaos will soon be taking over. we like it better when things are organized by time, not by emotion. 

so a holiday break for me isn't necessarily a break. it's a change of pace and a change of dramatic incidents. no longer am i annoyed by dirty roommates. i am now annoyed by lack of alone time and cigarettes and a mom thats ready to get angry at any little thing. but it's okay. i love everyone in my family regardless of their anxiety levels, and i love hanging out with friends that stuck with me through the hellish year that was 2008.