sketchy

i love The Selby because it makes me excited about getting a real place and being my own interior decorator. it also caters to my love of penguins.

The Selby

pengy

this is why penguins are my favorite animals. they're so personable! and fast.

underestimation

i feel completely underestimated as a person. not in what people think i can accomplish. i think people have a pretty good idea of how motivated i am. i am definitely a dreamer and definitely set super high goals for myself personally and professionally. but there is much more to me than high hopes and cuteness. sure, i talk about cute animals ALL THE TIME. but it's because they make me happy. why not surround yourself with something like that? i know that i come across as a silly, giggley girl that will try everything once and do what she feels like. but seriously? why would you ever think that's all i do and think about? 

• music is my soul. the weirder it is and the more sounds it incorporates, the more i can connect to it. that's why bands like why? and dntel are always on my many playlists (i make a new one every day).
  
• i like more than electro music. my favorite genres are experimental hip hop and folk and some swedish pop. i also like dark rock music (not hard/metal/pop/punk rock). in every single band i listen to, the lead singer has an extremely unique and different voice. no one voice in my itunes library sounds alike.
• i'm attracted to bright colors and sparkles because they are exciting.
• i try very hard to never wear the same outfit twice. not because i'm obsessed with appearance but because i like experimentation.
• i, like many people my age, have been conditioned to hate being alone. if i'm by myself i'll get online and chat away until i know it's absolutely necessary for me to go to sleep. but because i am an insomniac that usually takes hours anyway.
• i love buying gifts for people. no matter how much i hate someone, if i see something i know they will like i will always contemplate getting it for them (but if i hate them i won't). it's more like ex-boyfriends. that's why i share music. i have a good sense for what people will like (even though some will never admit that they do, but their play count says otherwise).
• when i'm stressed or just feel out of sorts i will immerse myself in a john steinbeck book. his is the only writing i can completely connect to. he writes eloquently and honestly.
• my comfort channel is bravo. intelligent reality tv was made for me. i've never really been a cartoon person (minus rugrats and the like). that's probably why i love pixar movies. they're the smart versions of cartoons.
• after all of the terrible things i've been through in my life (trust me, you have no idea), it is absolutley impossible for me to trust anyone. if you think i trust you, i don't. it's like a character trait that disappeared.
• on that note, i'm the most trustworthy person you will ever meet. i'm the best at keeping secrets and even better at helping create them. 
• i always have to have my nails polished.
• i have had countless hairstyles because i get bored with them after a few months. my hair will be long again soon.
• my favorite thing to do is drive (yes, more than any other thing i could do). long drives are the best. i get to listen to my favorite music for hours. i made a playlist of my favorite songs ever and it contains over 1500 songs from all different kinds of artists and genres. i think that's pretty cool. i also like falling asleep in the passenger seat after shows in l.a.
• why do i like penguins? it honestly stemmed from simply liking the word. how do you come up with a word like that?
• my favorite movies are wes anderson movies because i love the "futura" font and the smoothness of the colors. i greatly admire symmetry. but i also like amelie because it has no symmetry whatsoever.
• while i like writing articles and fun columns, serious writing is my favorite. i have a novel in the works (for real) but it's all in my head as of late. 
• try thinking about things without using words.
• i smoke cigarettes because it's an excuse to move around.
• i have a blog because it makes me feel productive. i think it's important to be exposed to different points of view because it further reaffirms your own. 
• i shop in thrift stores because it's all i can afford, not because it's the indie thing to do. and it's all i can afford because i spend too much money on shoes (when i have money and don't have to buy groceries).
• i trip all the time, in all possible meanings of the word. 
• i write down every single quote that means something to me and when i go back and read over them it's an indescribable feeling.

a john steinbeck quote that perfectly describes me and most likely many other people:

"i have always lived violently, drunk hugely, eaten too much or not at all, slept around the clock or missed two nights of sleeping, worked too hard and too long in glory, or slobbed for a time in utter laziness. i've lifted, pulled, chopped, climbed, made love with joy and taken my hangovers as a consequence, not as a punishment. i did not want to surreneder fierceness for a small gain in yardage."

what i like about his writing is that it takes some cliche ideas and strips them down to pure honesty with no embellishments. how many times have we read about people not sleeping and they make it sound so utterly terrible and depressing and artsy? when john steinbeck writes about it, you're not afraid to say "yeah, me too."

time travel

yes, i am extremely excited for christmas.

when i arrived home on tuesday, my family had completely decorated the house for christmas (minus the tree and the outside lights) and had a fire in the fireplace. it was a perfect way to be welcomed home, especially after a ridiculously stressful and draining week. the only odd thing was, thanksgiving still had not happened. i'm not one that gets overly angry when i see christmasy things before the month of december, let alone thanksgiving day, but i for sure thought it was silly. but, seriously, how could i complain when i was surrounded by an abundance of penguins? they bought a light up one especially for me:

nonetheless, this week has proven to be a family overload week. thanksgiving dinner involved my cousin and her new husband, an aunt that i haven't seen in probably 4 years and a surprising lack of other relatives that had never been absent before. i also discussed the upcoming "girl cousins' night" at my aunt's (another one that i haven't seen in years) house, which almost burned down in the recent santa barbara fires. i'm a tad overwhelmed by this upcoming night but it's a month away so whatevs for now. tomorrow i'm going to the zoo with my grandpa and step-grandma, renee, and my mom, dad and sister too. i get to see penguins in person, which easily makes this the best day of my week at home. 

another benefit is the time i have to read.

not only do i get to fit in a few pages of "Travels With Charley" here and there, but my sister has the new NYLON (mine is waiting for me in my SD mailbox). though i was disappointed by the issue's lack of excitement about the new year, i was highly impressed by the holiday playlist created by SNL's newest addition, Casey Wilson. the song descriptions were genius and the humor refreshing. i greatly appreciated the Gremlins reference (and the accompanying picture of a gremlin holding a candy cane with dancing music notes floating above his furry head), as well as the Bruce Springsteen "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" recommendation. Check it out in the Dec/Jan 09 issue with Lily Allen on the cover. it's on page 142. (seriously, it made me LOL.)

a band that i'm getting into: The Welcome Wagon, whose album is produced and arranged by Sufjan Stevens and released on Asthmatic Kitty. very Sufjan-esque, featuring covers of The Smiths and old hymns, as well as original creations. check out the mp3 at stereogum.com. the album is released on Dec. 9.

vista view

waiting for my ride in The Vista office here on campus, i began to ponder weekend plans which then digressed into life plans. i plan on having a studio apartment next year since half of my friends are graduating and almost the entire other half are studying abroad or having children. living by myself (along with a cat and/or dog) is going to be like living in a heaven, a "kaitlin" heaven. the idea of having my own place with my own kitchen-ware, couch, tv programming, netflix subscription, throw pillows, candles, curtains, rugs, coffee table, decorative disco balls, lucky penguins...the list goes on. i won't have to worry about who did the dishes last, who wants the blinds closed or the heater on. all i will have to worry about is if i'm gonna be done with The Vista in time to catch Chelsea Lately on E! or if i'm running low on method dish soap. please don't get me wrong, i completely love my roommate. but there is something wonderful to be said about quiet time and having your own belongings. while reading "Travels With Charley" by John Steinbeck, i've become envious of the time Steinbeck (and even Charley) have with their own thoughts. when i think about the things i could write if i took a trip with just myself and my dog...i get somewhat overwhelmed, but it's an empowering feeling at the same time? not sure how that works, but it might be that i accept that i CAN be a good writer if i just allow myself the time and mindset. i tend to fight my writing urges because i'm afraid i can't live up to expectations, especially when it's creative writing. i have that brilliant idea for a novel just sitting up on a shelf in my mind, waiting to be put within the front and back covers that make up a book (hard copy of course). we'll seeeee what happens this summer. hopefully i'll have my own place in san diego, accompanied by a job, money, a car and a dog (or cat). those will be the daze. penguin of the week? conductor penguin:

problems

friends dealing with p. safe, friends dealing with bi guys, friends dealing with missing the person they were in the summer and family dealing with fire evacuations. this week has been full of worry for so many people i know. and when the people i care about stress out, i stress out. this week has been very long. and the weather is really hot now. i miss the hope and excitement i felt when the temperature dropped. i'm back to getting iced drinks and wearing flip flops. back to taking the tram everywhere because i can't breathe. (but maybe that's because of smoking rather than the semi-humid weather). and now with these fires threatening the homes of my relatives...things just suck for so many people right now. i'm worried about my aunt and uncle who are trapped in the middle of the fire while housesitting their neighbor's house. i'm worried about...every other person in my family. all of them are dealing with some kind of issue, whether it be health or money or relationships. and then i think about my life and how lucky i am but how stupid i am at the same time. i have my health but i destroy it with cigarettes and being too exhausted to go to the gym. i have my smarts but am destroying them with persistent drug abuse. i have my humor but i'm destroying that by being bitchy. i could go on but i'm destroying my easy-going nature by complaining about things i do to myself. so i have decided to slowly but surely quit smoking and cut back on my bitchiness. i know i'm not the meanest girl ever, especially at usd or in ventura county, but i hate feeling like a bitch. i've been told that i'm a confrontational little one...not exactly how i want to be known, but it's definitely not a bad character trait. i'm proud of my confidence and "strong will." but i'm even more proud of my idea to have a "daft penguin" created for me. ^

ME

with a school year full of election craziness (yaaayyyy obama!), art projects, speeches, latin tests (open-book thank GOD) and weekly issues of The Vista, i rarely ever have time for me. hence why there are never any posts on this supercute blog. i'm pretty sure the main reason i write on it, besides my love of writing, is because of the pink and purple. but last night, on a rare saturday night in, i allowed myself to eat chocolate and read an entire issue of Nylon front to back (the most recent one at that). though i have two past issues sitting on my table under a stack of newspapers and receipts, i was so SO happy to be able to take a (healthy) break from thinking and read about fashion and music. it reminded me why i do everything i do. why i wear the same 4 pieces of crazy jewelry every day, why i write about m.i.a.'s fashion line, why i want to start my own magazine. in the midst of reading i was asked to join a friend in the courtyard to have a cig. that very enjoyable cig break lasted 2 and a half hours and was intermittently freckled with drunken stories from friends arriving home from frat parties and ended with rain sprinkles and gusts of wind, and maybe a raccoon or two, or three. it made me kind of re-fall in in love with usd. i've been contemplating my decision to attend this university, like many of my friends, and i realized that i'm here for a reason, and it's not to appease the many crazy guys i come in contact with, or to talk shit with the cool girls. i'm here because i've already learned so much about myself through so many challenges AND i get to edit The Vista! where else would i have been able to get an editing position that early in my college career? superlucky. 

anyways. the weather in sd is FINALLY cold and there are leaves blowing everywhere and i get to drink hot chocolate with cinnamon and have Campbell's soup at hands on a regular basis (meaning the last 3 days). while i wish there was snow everywhere and i could bundle up with a cutie (whether it be a cat or a guy), i'm happy just typing up a blog post and listening to Beach House (how ironic?).

check out this coolness that my paint created by itself: