underestimation

i feel completely underestimated as a person. not in what people think i can accomplish. i think people have a pretty good idea of how motivated i am. i am definitely a dreamer and definitely set super high goals for myself personally and professionally. but there is much more to me than high hopes and cuteness. sure, i talk about cute animals ALL THE TIME. but it's because they make me happy. why not surround yourself with something like that? i know that i come across as a silly, giggley girl that will try everything once and do what she feels like. but seriously? why would you ever think that's all i do and think about? 

• music is my soul. the weirder it is and the more sounds it incorporates, the more i can connect to it. that's why bands like why? and dntel are always on my many playlists (i make a new one every day).
  
• i like more than electro music. my favorite genres are experimental hip hop and folk and some swedish pop. i also like dark rock music (not hard/metal/pop/punk rock). in every single band i listen to, the lead singer has an extremely unique and different voice. no one voice in my itunes library sounds alike.
• i'm attracted to bright colors and sparkles because they are exciting.
• i try very hard to never wear the same outfit twice. not because i'm obsessed with appearance but because i like experimentation.
• i, like many people my age, have been conditioned to hate being alone. if i'm by myself i'll get online and chat away until i know it's absolutely necessary for me to go to sleep. but because i am an insomniac that usually takes hours anyway.
• i love buying gifts for people. no matter how much i hate someone, if i see something i know they will like i will always contemplate getting it for them (but if i hate them i won't). it's more like ex-boyfriends. that's why i share music. i have a good sense for what people will like (even though some will never admit that they do, but their play count says otherwise).
• when i'm stressed or just feel out of sorts i will immerse myself in a john steinbeck book. his is the only writing i can completely connect to. he writes eloquently and honestly.
• my comfort channel is bravo. intelligent reality tv was made for me. i've never really been a cartoon person (minus rugrats and the like). that's probably why i love pixar movies. they're the smart versions of cartoons.
• after all of the terrible things i've been through in my life (trust me, you have no idea), it is absolutley impossible for me to trust anyone. if you think i trust you, i don't. it's like a character trait that disappeared.
• on that note, i'm the most trustworthy person you will ever meet. i'm the best at keeping secrets and even better at helping create them. 
• i always have to have my nails polished.
• i have had countless hairstyles because i get bored with them after a few months. my hair will be long again soon.
• my favorite thing to do is drive (yes, more than any other thing i could do). long drives are the best. i get to listen to my favorite music for hours. i made a playlist of my favorite songs ever and it contains over 1500 songs from all different kinds of artists and genres. i think that's pretty cool. i also like falling asleep in the passenger seat after shows in l.a.
• why do i like penguins? it honestly stemmed from simply liking the word. how do you come up with a word like that?
• my favorite movies are wes anderson movies because i love the "futura" font and the smoothness of the colors. i greatly admire symmetry. but i also like amelie because it has no symmetry whatsoever.
• while i like writing articles and fun columns, serious writing is my favorite. i have a novel in the works (for real) but it's all in my head as of late. 
• try thinking about things without using words.
• i smoke cigarettes because it's an excuse to move around.
• i have a blog because it makes me feel productive. i think it's important to be exposed to different points of view because it further reaffirms your own. 
• i shop in thrift stores because it's all i can afford, not because it's the indie thing to do. and it's all i can afford because i spend too much money on shoes (when i have money and don't have to buy groceries).
• i trip all the time, in all possible meanings of the word. 
• i write down every single quote that means something to me and when i go back and read over them it's an indescribable feeling.

a john steinbeck quote that perfectly describes me and most likely many other people:

"i have always lived violently, drunk hugely, eaten too much or not at all, slept around the clock or missed two nights of sleeping, worked too hard and too long in glory, or slobbed for a time in utter laziness. i've lifted, pulled, chopped, climbed, made love with joy and taken my hangovers as a consequence, not as a punishment. i did not want to surreneder fierceness for a small gain in yardage."

what i like about his writing is that it takes some cliche ideas and strips them down to pure honesty with no embellishments. how many times have we read about people not sleeping and they make it sound so utterly terrible and depressing and artsy? when john steinbeck writes about it, you're not afraid to say "yeah, me too."